Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
