i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I love black thongs
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
