Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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