It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
