you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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