oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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