the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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