I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
