There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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