Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
