I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
