just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
