Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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