Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
