so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
