I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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