So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
