in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
