My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
