if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
