I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
