haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
