Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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