I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
