I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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