"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
