someone threw a dead crab at me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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