This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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