my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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