i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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