mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
