just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
