I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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