I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize