Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
