I heard we made out
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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