Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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