the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize