I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
