She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
