It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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