if i died would you start the facebook group?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
