last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
