why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
