She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
