I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm too high and old for this...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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