tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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