I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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