i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
