Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
