how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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