did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
