I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
