Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
