I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
