the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We smell like vodka and hangover
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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