Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
