Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
