we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
